The Writer's Block

Um, okay, it's a little dark down here, could we push the lace curtain aside so I can be heard a bit better please? 

Thanks.

God, oh, uh, well, I've never made a public speech before, so I'm a bit nervous.  Pardon me if I perspire a little. 

So, I'm Vagina.  And I am coming out today to talk about how my body has been ignoring me lately. I thought maybe making a public appearance and getting totally naked with you might help.  To be honest with you, right now I'm a little confused.  For the last 30 years  my body has pretty much been following me around and letting me take the show.  The least mention of a sexual reference would have sent me into overdrive.  The blood would induce a purple hue to my instantaneously swollen lips.  I would feel involuntary urges to repeatedly tighten up and relax, and my insides would repond by producing copious amounts of warm juice that would trickle out and moisten my lips.  And, consequently, my body would listen to my discomfort and do whatever it took to help me feel better again.  I've gotten used to being the boss, directing my body in various activities of orgasm and release. My body had been fairly indiscriminate about the type of stimulus it took to rev me up.  Any innuendo, joke, gender or facsimile of human flesh with sexual reference would have done the trick.

But lately my body has decided on her own, without my consent, to be more discriminating about the things she will allow to stimulate me and turn me on.  And to be honest, she has been saying, "Shut up, Vagina!" alot lately.  She has this crazy idea about desiring intellectual conversations and more well-rounded people to stimulate me instead of the usual porn flick or dirty joke told by a blue-collar high-school drop-out.  Orgasms used to be fast and fun, but frankly, now they are such a drag!  Since the intellectual crowd seems to be in short supply around these parts, my future activities seem very uncertain.

Well, I can see her coming to pull the curtain down on me again.  I don't know when I'll get another chance to make a public appearance so, thank you for the opportunity for these lips to speak out.